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[present tense]

September 2002

2002.09.13

Trying to catch up

01:24 AM PST :: comments: 1

I have just finished writing a paper. Huzzah!

I have been working hard to catch up in my schoolwork after missing a weeks worth of school to attend my grandmother's funeral. I am almost there. If I read a couple hundred more pages, Ill be pretty much caught up.

I have come to accept that I can't completely catch up. One of my assignments will be turned in two weeks late--if at all. C'est la vie (et la mort aussi).

Must go to sleep. I have eight hours of class tomorrow today. My chances for staying awake 'till classes are over seem slim.
-wink

2002.09.10

1000 oceans

01:45 AM PST :: comments: 1

My grandfather sits slumped in a pew. My aunt and uncle come around to either side of him and tenderly lift him to his feet. With his children supporting him at each shoulder, he shuffles towards the casket.

His hands are trembling. Now his arms are too. His legs fail to carry any of his weight, but his children manage to propell him forward. He finally has a clear view of her face.

The sobs begin.

Deep heaving sobs which consume his body in convulsions. I wonder if he could possibly be getting enough oxygen. My aunt and uncle cannot move him further. They can hardly keep him from collapsing to the ground.

He looks at her and weeps.

After a minute or so, his children manage to turn him back around; manage to shuffle him back to the pew. All of his loved ones surround him to give him comfort. All except the one he loves the most. She lies cold, unmoved by his tears, only 10 feet away.

The weeping continues.

I wonder "How can he possibly bear it?" They have been married for 67 years. They have been partners, companions, lovers for two-thirds of a century. He will not see her again. "How can he possibly bear it?"

The tears refuse to cease.
-wink

About my last post...

12:25 AM PST :: comments: 0

I've been debating whether I should delete my previous post. It is an accurate reflection of my mind, but my mind is a bit drenched in self-pity. I have decided to leave it up with the following disclaimers:
I'll try to focus my next post on something besides myself. See if I can get away from self-pity and move towards genuine compassion.
-wink

2002.09.09

Commemorating 9/11

11:02 PM PST :: comments: 0

I have opened my browser and discovered that the internet is innundated with stories wondering how best to commemorate 9/11. This article by Jill Stewart is the only one that actually resonated with me. Here is a quote:


[O]n September 11, I suggest that you not light a candle for the victims of the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. Plenty of others will do so for you.

Instead, say a prayer for the 20,000 obliterated in India, or the 1,100 trampled in Nigeria, or the untold dead child soldiers. Do not buy a "Let's Roll!" T-shirt, but do send a dollar to an Afghan group helping illiterate girls and boys learn to read normal childhood books. Play a small part in helping our self-indulgent nation to become a better citizen of the world.


However, in all honesty, I will probably not do much even of Jill Stewart's fine suggestions. Forgive me for not mourning 3,000 terrorist victims killed one year ago, or 20,000 earthquake victims 19 months ago, all of complete strangers. I'm too busy mourning one death of a family member who died less than two weeks ago. For now I'm still hiding out in my little world of "me and what directly concerns me". I will eventually emerge and re-enter the larger world--just not yet.
-wink

Thank you and Sorry

09:13 PM PST :: comments: 0

Thank you to my kind readers who have left me such comforting messages.

I apologize for my lack of recent posts. There have been more important things that needed attending to. Now that the funeral is over and I am no longer entertaining family, I can resume some sort of regular schedule.
-wink